We were warned coming to Spain as women that there is a different attitude towards women here, that sometimes students feel outrightly harassed on the streets or even a little unsafe. Coming from D.C. to a small Spanish town, I was skeptical. In D.C., in any town, men do and can whistle, make comments or give the classic up-and-down once over frequently. Nevertheless, most girls can block it out, continue walking with their heads up or even give a sharp retort if needed. In Spain, the real vulnerability I felt was due to my visible "extranjera" (or foreigner) status. I'm not sure what the trick is, but even from across a street or 20 feet away, certain Spaniards pick out friends and I as "extranjeras" immediately. (Yes, I am aware that the English may also serve as a good clue, but even in situations without it, they knew.) How can we respond to these remarks, in Spanish that is clearly tinged and perhaps even tainted with an American accent? If I go out late, guy friends walk me home not because of my fear but because of their insistence. I do feel safer yet I feel safer in D.C. when I am walked home at night as well. I do not usually think that a man who makes a rude sexual comment toward me or my friends will actually harm me, yet the fact that he makes this comment so blatantly and loudly is something new and, in ways, alarming. It is much more difficult to ignore, it is there and it is loud.
Recently, two girl friends and I were walking down a main street in Salamanca and as I crossed to the other side I heard one friend shout "Are you serious?" (yes, in English). I ran back to see them both staring astonishingly at two old men walking casually by. One of these old men had nonchalantly ran his hand up my friend's dress and leg as he took an evening "paseo" with a friend. It is beyond me to explain why this would ever be considered appropriate behavior and the fact that it occurred at 5pm on a street full of people is even more unbelievable. Now this would not have been an everyday happening in America, or at least I should hope not.
That would not happen back home. We have that assurance, belief and security... but is it a false sentiment?
When I told a friend that I was involved in Take Back The Night, an organization to fight gender motivated violence like rape and domestic abuse, she glibly replied that that was great but things like that don't happen back home in North Dakota, D.C. must be different. I'm not sure what she considered "things like that" to be, but I found the statement an acknowledgment of the blissful ignorance and false security we often build up for ourselves. If "things like that" were only nameless and faceless assaults and unfortunate incidents on the street like the molestation of my friend, perhaps a lot of the more damaging, scarring and painfully personal abuses would not exist. When we do not visually see these assaults or hear these sexual innuendos shouted at us, do we think that women are truly safer and live in a more advanced and equal society?
A friend who had studied in Spain informed me that domestic violence is big issue and I should watch for it on the news. To be honest, I find the openness and alarm with which the Spanish media and government address this abuse to be somewhat encouraging. The existence of this abuse and violence is disheartening and alarming, yes; but I would venture to make an educated guess that the quantity is perhaps equivalent to that in the US or other countries. What makes us believe that domestic violence then is not a problem in America? While we may say 'to each his own' or have a belief that what occurs in one's home is private and personal, have we really forgotten that there is a time and a place where this line is crossed? Three women were killed in domestic disputes here in 24 hours in Spain; it was all over the news and the government was actively debating what steps needed to be taken to prevent further deaths. Yet, every single day in the US 4 women die from domestic abuse (http://www.now.org/issues/violence/stats.html). Has this become so normalized as to be forgotten?
I realize that our cultures are different. In some respects I long to return to the US where men are at least a little more subtle and make derogatory comments only under their breathe, where it is easier to ignore, to become oblivious and to block out the persistent culture of misogyny and sexism. Nevertheless by turning this attitude into acceptable undertones in daily life (in snide comments and distasteful jokes), we have failed to acknowledge the importance and prevalence of the issue: the mistreatment of women not just publicly in our cities and towns, but also in the privacy of one's home.
